my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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