I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
