Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
