there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
