New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
