i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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