I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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