Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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