If i come over, it means nothing
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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