butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
