Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
