I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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