They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
