I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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