Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
