Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
