how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
