remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
