I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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