i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
