She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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