And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
