tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
