I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
