I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
