do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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