1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
