they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
