Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
