Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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