you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
