Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
