you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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