She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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