I just pynch a tree in the face
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
