we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
