What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
