ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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