if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
