went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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