I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
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