apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
So gin and wine won't be happening again
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
