My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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