Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
