from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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