So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
