Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
