she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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