OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
