Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
He uses pillows to masturbate.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
