I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
