I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
