Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
